Broadway would be a lot more fun if we were doing the casting. Also, let children play instead of doing math worksheets, and grown-ups make adult-acne content for TikTok.
THEATER
After Meg Statler, Who’s Our Dream Mary?
Fan-casting in a maximally unhinged way.
Maybe you haven’t seen Oh, Mary! yet. Maybe you have a customer-loyalty punch card at the Lyceum Theatre. Either way, you probably feel some sort of way about the news that Maya Rudolph’s turn as the titular character in Cole Escola’s Tony-winning play will be followed by Meg Stalter. The Hacks actress’s ten-week run begins July 6. The role has, to date, been filled by a who’s who of our finest stage presences, including Escola, Betty Gilpin, Tituss Burgess, Jinkx Monsoon, Jane Krakowski, and John Cameron Mitchell. Other people have done it on the West End, but we’re already tired of listing people and we haven’t even gotten to the list yet.
In a historic collaboration between Dinner Party and our Broadway newsletter, Stage Whisperer, with crucial support from The Cut, we’ve put together a list of everyone we’d like to see playing Mary next. If we’ve overlooked anyone, please email dinnerparty@nymag.com and cc: the relevant performer’s representatives.
Amy Sedaris even though she already said no
Dominique Jackson
John Early
Peppermint
David Greenspan
Whoopi Goldberg
Kathryn Hahn
Cheri Oteri
Molly Shannon
Lena Dunham
Lena Headey
Lena Waithe
Lena Hall
Danielle Brooks
Unfortunately, Neil Patrick Harris
On that note, Groffsauce
While we’re at it, maybe this is Lea Michele’s Tony
Charlene Incarnate
Patti LuPone
Marla Mindelle
Ariana Grande and Frankie Grande trading between Lincoln and Mary like it’s The Little Foxes (only way she’d agree to do it)
Miriam Shor
Kate Winslet
Ashlie Atkinson
CARRIE PRESTON
Cherry Jones
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Bridget Everett with Jeff Hiller as Lincoln naturally and Murray Hill … tutor?????? This would just be a community-theater production in Manhattan, Kansas, in Somebody Somewhere season four
Kristi Noem
PARENTING
Kindergarteners Should Not Have Homework
Yeah, I said it! Experts agree.
I revere my children’s teachers. They are as gods unto me. But from the earliest days of my kids’ public-school education, I’ve found myself at odds with the system, specifically the part of it that assigns homework. Like Erica Schwiegershausen, who finds her 5-year-old’s nightly load of worksheets and letter-writing drills excessive, I have often wondered why this level of take-home assignment has become the norm. Turns out, the answer is standardized testing, which now begins in third grade. Teachers are under pressure to get kids prepared for the tests, which leads to cuts in playtime and recess and more time spent on reading, writing, and math.
Yet there’s no good evidence that piling on homework in the early years of elementary school actually benefits students, says Amanda Williford, a professor of early childhood education at the University of Virginia. (Even for older kids, the evidence in support of homework is weaker than you might think). And if it makes kids dread school, it’s definitely not worth it. Williford worries that the increased pressure on academics distracts from what kindergarten should really be about: developing relationships and the skills to regulate their emotions.
You can always, of course, just not do the homework, but depending on your teacher and your kid, that might not be socially or emotionally tenable either. These days (second and fifth grade currently limping to a close), my kids mostly do their homework without much hands-on help, but there’s still cajoling and whining and the occasional night when they stay up until bedtime doing it. I’ve found that holding the promise of “watching Glee” over their heads as a reward is a useful incentive, but I’d hate to hear what any parenting or educational expert thinks of that. On the plus side, they’ll be way ahead of the curve when it’s time for sex ed.
BEAUTY
A Peek Into the Life of TikTok’s Favorite Zitfluencer
How @dewylouie got started making pimple content, and how she keeps it going.
Since 2022, TikTok user Victoria Louie (a.k.a. @dewylouie) has been sharing her adult-acne journey with her followers, who now number around 694,000. She gets sponsorship deals, meets other acne influencers, and generally enjoys her lifestyle. The only problem is that her skin has improved, which limits her opportunities to make videos showcasing her knack for charmingly applying pimple patches to zits.
Thanks to a dutiful routine that includes both Korean skin care and western products, my skin is no longer as bad as it was a couple of years ago. That’s a blessing and a curse. It’s getting harder to make my pimple-patch content for brands because I can’t just snap my fingers and have a pimple worthy of a video. Sometimes, I feel like the pressure of their business is reliant on my acne. Fortunately, my menstrual cycle ensures that I get at least one really good zit every month. It just might not be on anyone else’s timeline.
If all else fails, she can always sell the jar where she’s been collecting her used patches, which is nicknamed “Patrick.” (Previous offers have not been entertained seriously.)
Click Your Way Out
Taraji P. Henson is starring on Broadway in part because she’s fed up with Hollywood, for good reason!
A new collection of Albert Scopin’s historic photos taken at the Chelsea Hotel.
Need nice hair in a hurry? Consider investing in a wiglet.
Damn, I really want this dress, and it’s on sale. Curse you, the Strategist!
Replicas of New York’s restaurants thrive in Tokyo.
When it comes to dating, is it possible to change your “type”?
When the price of living with your sister — no dating — is too damn high.
Get your Vulture Festival tickets now!
Speaking of Carrie Preston, Patti LuPone guest stars on Elsbeth next week.