I really want to read this post called “A Professional Organizer’s Favorite Picks,” but it’s paywalled. Fortunately, if enough of you go and sign up for this newsletter, then Substack will likely give me a free three- or six-month subscription in exchange for the referrals and I can read it for free. Ta da! These are among the ways I have learned to exploit your labor. —Choire Sicha
IT HAPPENED TODAY
Someone Has Been Arrested for the Awful Corpse Thing
File under: news that just makes you feel sad and icky.
They reassigned everyone at the Department of Justice who investigated voting to what sounds like some sort of federal rubber room.
We won’t be seeing all those pesky high-spending overseas tourists this summer since we keep sending their relatives to secretive, freezing private prisons.
In something closer to resolution of the absolute worst story of the year, the guy accused of sexually abusing a dead person on a subway train has been arrested and charged with rape.
We don’t have time right now to talk about the “new Fire Island people” again, but I have my eye on them!
WARNING SIGNS
Books, on Paper
Forced detox.
Do you remember how you used to drift off to sleep every night only to be awakened by a book hitting you in the face? And then you’d wake up again at 3 a.m. because the bedside light was still on? Only the eldest of millennials and their forerunners remember The Book Times. Some 18 years of Kindles and iPhones have saved us from papercuts but also wrecked most of our internal ecosystems; I’m absolutely panicked at the idea of spending even just a single day at jury duty tomorrow, where the rules are print only. (The rules are so rulelike — you may bring one phone, but you must check it at the door.) I’ve been obsessing for ages over which eight-to-ten books to bring, and I’m packing like I’m off to Tierra del Fuego. Recently I’ve been trying books written by men — it’s not actually as bad as I thought — so I realized I should complete the circle of springtime trials and bring my pal Jonah Bromwich’s book about last year’s Trump’s trial to the courthouse. (Did you people in publishing know that this shows you can actually publish a book within a year of the events depicted in the book? It’s true! Don’t freak out!) My backup books include the Keith McNally memoir and then some book roulette, as in whatever galley I find on my desk this afternoon. I’m hoping it’s State Champ, the upcoming Hilary Plum novel about a hunger-striking abortion-clinic receptionist? But really there’s only one book to bring to jury duty.
MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE
Will the Bad Thing That Happened to Everyone Else Also Happen to You?
Let’s check back in two decades, young friends.
It’s possible that the young people can live this life better. But everyone keeps telling them not to become doctors and they keep doing it anyway.
HAS AUDREY GELMAN’S HOUSE SOLD YET
Ideas for Your Summer Vacation
No surprise, it’s Audrey Gelman’s house.
Barring any nascent deals, as of tomorrow, entrepreneur and political songstress Audrey Gelman’s Pine Plains compound will have been on the market for 200 days. But if you’re lacking the $2.995M, are you thinking about this correctly?
I tried to book it on Airbnb for a week this summer, but $11,649 felt a little rough. You can do three nights in late May for $7,121, though! But why are we on the wrong side of this equation? With that kind of revenue, perhaps we should buy it ourselves. This compound doesn’t cost money, it makes money, etc.
Click Your Way Out
Checking in with Mike Piazza. (He's raising his children very Euro!)
I've been saving up my opera pennies for La Sonnambula later this year but here's how they're prepping for Salome!
I really will be on jury duty tomorrow — allegedly. Probably they’ll throw me back immediately! Either way: Don’t call. Don’t write. Matt Stieb will be here to newsletter for you.
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i comped you @Choire Sicha have fun
Oh this is so fun, welcome to substack!